its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
