I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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