Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
