Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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