Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
