i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
