I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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