y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
