So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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