yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
These tits shall not be calmed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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