Already got asked if we're dating
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
