why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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