8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
