bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
