Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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