bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
