The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone signed my nipple.
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