Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this boner is exhausting
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
