btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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