I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
