VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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