oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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