they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
