Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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