life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just threw up on my dentist
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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