the condom got lost in my hair
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
