i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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