Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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