Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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