party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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