You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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