Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
