Swine flu. Run for my life!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i drank out of a bidet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
