Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
