Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
