I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
