I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
