so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had to cum in my sink.
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