Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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