Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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