I cockslap morals
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the raccoons are back...
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