No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Enjoy the penises
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
