On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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