Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
