Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
