Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
