i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
