Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
COCAINE IS GR8
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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