What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
