respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
